sighs

Dear Readers,

My life has had quite a few annoyances lately. They haven't been too major. But they have effected me. I'm praying about them and God is listening. Sometimes I wander how much, but I believe he wants for me what is better whether or not that means listening to me.

I'd rather not get into all of the events this past week because some of them greatly piss me off. I thought this place would be a nice place to vent. Hopefully it doesn't encourage a complaining attitude.

On the way back from Greene Day last Saturday my car was behaving oddly. The engine was (I believe it's called) missing. When I stopped at a stop sign it would die. Eventually I got it back to school. But whenever I put it in gear it would die immediately. I had it towed on Monday to good old John's Repair Service where it's been ever since.

First day I called - no time to look at it.

Second day - looked at it but can't figure it out.

Third day - waiting on a different tester from an unknown source to test an unknown part of the car (this is unknown by me not him, fortunately)

Fourth day - Jeremy ransacks John's Repair Service and retrieves van

He said depending on what the test turns up it may be ready today. This has of course inconvenienced me as I need to get to work and back. It also looks like my lake wedington plans have died. Both due to the lack of transportation and lack of no risk of getting struck by lightning.

You know, I was going to tell you all about my troubles with my ram for my computer but I really don't feel like getting into all of it. Basically, I fried the bloody ram slot on my motherboard when installing the first piece of ram and I am now stuck with an annoyingly slow computer. Which of course has been dramatically reduced in resale value.

So there's this girl named Leah. I am extremely tired of thinking about my relationship with her. Not because of anything that she's done. I'm mad at myself for allowing so much time to be spent with her. This summer will be good. I'll be able to flee the constant struggle which takes place within me.

There is a complicated three way battle as I see it. On one side is my selfish desire to own someone - anyone - and be loved in return. On the second side is my selfish desire to own someone who is nothing less then the best on this planet from an external perspective. And on the third side is God's plan which is often times extremely obscure and therefore neglected. I suppose the reason I am so frustrated is not only because I am giving more thought to the selfish motivations (side one and two) as opposed to God's plan, but also because these two selfish motivations (both very powerful) are competing with each other.

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...it's raining outside. I like the rain.