This is me, sorry about the dirt

I am terrible. I've done such evil. Let me start from the beginning.

I couldn't sleep well last night. My mind was racing. I woke up in the middle and boom, something captivated me. And it didn't stop for quite awhile. When I woke up this morning I wasn't exactly feeling refreshed. I tried to sleep as long as I could but I can never make it past 7:30 because of my sleep routine. So I got up, ate breakfast, messed around on the computer, and went back to sleep. The service wasn't until 11. When the alarm went off I certainly wasn't ready to get up. I was of course sleeping soundly. So the entire time I was getting ready for church I was not in a good mood. I certainly had a bad attitude and let's just say wasn't afraid to express my frustrations verbally.

The plan was for Christi to come over at about 15 till and we would go to church. She didn't make it till a few minutes before the hour. Of my priorities I hold punctuality high. Christi is normally very disciplined and punctual. But not today. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I was slightly frustrated with Christi, but only as much as you can be with a good friend. I didn't talk much at all on the drive to church. Christi was chipper. A regular sleep pattern seems to be crucial to my right state of mind. Walking in late always kills me. Especially when I couldn't stop thinking about the last guy I heard preach at this church (two weeks ago) who commented on the rudeness of being tardy.

After church things became better. Probably because I woke up. Christi and I made Hamburger Helper® ( <---- I just had to do that because I remembered the hotkey from work.) for lunch and I taught her Backgammon. Randy had just taught me. She left and I ebayed. I then napped for half an hour till I had to get up to check on an auction (I know, it's a rough life). I called Sean and ebayed some more till, to my surprise, I scored a sweet deal on a Powerbook. Needless to say, I was heaps excited.

I then went to Pierced, which is a service for college age folk at Woodmen Valley Chapel. Very very excellent. Meaningful music, stellar message. The bloke talked about Jacob's manipulative perspective on life. Up until the point that Jacob wrestled with God he was a heal grabber or deceiver. But when he wrestled, he confronted God and let Him do His work in Jacob's life. There was clash, he showed God who he really was, but it was worth it because he became Israel - one who has wrestled with men and God. When Jacob made himself vulnerable God changed Him.

So what is this evil I have committed? I am selfish. I was grumpy and frustrated because of the way things weren't going this morning. Then I was so happy because I was able to chill with Christi and also buy a Powerbook. How pathetic is that? This temporary world has a hold on me!

But more than being shallow, I have not been honest with God. That is the evil which I have committed. I did things, said things and had thoughts without admitting it. I believe one of my greatest enemies is passivity. By that I mean doing things without acknowledging them and drifting along. I should at least! at least! complain to God about why I think I cannot not sin. Then I'll be one who wrestles with God. When you wrestle with God, you kinda lose ya know?