"Nothin's gonna change my world"

I don't understand the spiritual world. I don't think I'm meant to but it'd be nice to understand those situations when the spiritual world decides to break the air and poke it's head into our world. For instance, how is it that self control can be a fruit of the spirit but when one is overcome by the spirit there seems to be such disorder. This is a question one of my friends asked today. It's an interesting paradox. I'm thinking particularly of things like speaking in tongues and uncontrollable body parts. Without having thought or been given many answers to the question before, I said that maybe God's version of order is different than ours. When we have complete control we are very aware of our physical world sense that's where we live and what we've been allowed to see. We see control as focusing on a speaker or carrying out a task in our world. Maybe when we allow God full control of ourselves he takes us into a broader realm where all is perfectly
under His control.

The unseen world that God has told me of makes me curious. In a way I really want to see more. But that's only because it's 2:14 pm and I can see the sun shining. Which leads me to believe that I can handle anything. But I'm pretty sure I would faint if I got a glimpse of the spiritual world. It's like in the Bicycle series when the characters put on those special glasses and see the giant snakes towering over their city which were formerly unseen. OK so here's what I would like. I'd like to be able to see that world from the safety of God's arms. The best of both worlds. I suppose it'll happen soon enough.

So I hate to complain... what I'd LOVE to complain! I'm really tired of being on campus. It gets so incredibly old. Sure it's great to see friends everyday. But it's all so routine. I try to switch it up and do something creative every now and then but I always have to come back to my room and go back to the cafeteria. I'd like to go to a different place. I'm going to ride my bike.

God is Practical Too

Our theme for chapel this semester is "Understanding our work as
worship." Today Dan Noyes spoke. He talked about the importance of the second greatest commandment to love others and how that should play out in our vocation. He gave examples of even non-Christians finding joy in helping others and said that he believed God built this desire to help others into us.

I asked myself how what I plan on doing will help others. And I came to the conclusion that I would help others by showing them God through the beauty of artistic design. I'd like to think this is my reason for going into this field but to be honest it's probably more selfish. It's more like, look at me, I have clever ideas and I can design them. But does this mean I should reconsider my career path because of the lack of purity in my motives? Or will God use my evil for his good? I'd like to believe the ladder.

Changing subjects, the other day I was having lunch with several friends. One of which happened to be Leah Greene. She was talking about her idea of studying abroad next semester. After discussing the pros and cons for awhile she said something to the effect of, "But I want to consult God on this before I make a decision." She then explained that she had recently regrettably made a decision before asking God about it and it turned out poorly for her.

It stuck out to me. She realized her mistake, learned from it and was determined to change her future course of action. For some reason it was refreshing to me to see someone who was genuinely trying to better herself before God. Maybe it struck me because it was so real and practical. One of those Christian concepts I had been taught all my life actually made logical sense. The idea of consulting God before a decision became not just the right thing to do, but something by which we would be better off. Not to downplay the importance of faith, but I'm glad God has reasons for telling us to do things and that he sometimes decides to share those with us.

-b-a-l-^-n-c-e-

Hello all,

I don't have much energy to type nor do I feel like I have much of interest to say. The past two days have been great in general but I don't want to just tell what happened I want to explain how I feel about them. I don't have any great thoughts about them which is why I hesitated to even post tonight. But I will at least briefly summarize what has been happening and see what else comes to mind.

Yesterday afternoon I took one of my friends to get some coffee in town. Her name is Courtney Moore. She's not in choir this semester so we haven't been seeing as much of each other so we decided to get together yesterday. I was slightly concerned about it being to much of a date in either of our minds since it was one on one. But I felt like it turned out really well. We had good conversation, from relationships to the power of music to contentment in our lives. I've seen Courtney in different circumstances and the way she can be rather head strong. But when she was with me she let me lead the conversation and did many other things which showed her respect for me. It was thoughtful and nice of her.

Last night I hosted a small get together in my room for open dorms. Leah, Christi, Dawn, Snorri, Jeremiah Christie, and my suite mate Ben all came. I bought drinks and the game Clue and borrowed Gestures. We played games, listened to music, and watched Smallville. It was a very intimate, comfortable time with good people in my life.

This morning I got coffee again with many of the same people from last night. We decided to go to CIty Coffee and attempt to study. It as well was heaps of fun.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is what my close friends and I talk about when together. We don't often talk about spiritual matters. And I feel like we as Christians are selfish for dominating the conversation with matters that are so trivial and temporary. I think I am at fault in this area as I haven't taken the initiative to steer conversations toward eternal subjects. I think I read this, it is so easy to allow our conversation to be meaningless. Sure there is time for goofing off and being carefree, but we probably do it too much. Yet another area of life which is a balancing act.

Self Effort and Greatness

I'm frustrated with myself and my inability to accomplish anything.
I've thought of many things which I want to do but my critical mind
keeps shooting them down with excuses like, that'll take too much time,
you don't have enough knowledge about that, what if no one goes along
with that idea. I've heard that the greatest things in life are those
which you have to work hard at. I pray that I'd rise to the challenge
and be able to overcome all of the obstacles my mind comes up with.
It's so easy to be lazy these days and hard to be productive!
Motivation and discipline are two areas of my life which are lacking
right now.

I would like to have a project or hobby or something which I'm really
passionate about. Something I can do which is actually useful for the
rest of my life. So instead of using my free time by watching
Smallville, checking my email, and surfing the net I'd like to DO
something! Apathy is my enemy.

In chapel yesterday the speaker, Dr. Johnson (my philosophy professor),
brought up the point that many people just want what is easy and only
pay attention when it will help them. This was in the context of our
education. Anyway he said that if you have that mindset then you will
only strive for a faith that is easy and will therefore not go
anywhere. Basically, one must work hard in order to achieve great.

I'm going to get some dinner with Snorri.

Choir Retreat

I had a choir retreat this weekend. In general it was a great time. Mr.
Smith was a little sick so we didn't practice quite as much this year
as last. Saturday night was the best. We divided into four groups and
came up with a skit based on a theme given to us. As always it was
pretty crazy because most of it is improvisation. But that of course
made it funny and entertaining.

We also played family feud. Earlier we all filled out a survey with
questions like, "Who in choir has the best hair?" "Who is the most
likely to get lost in Chicago?" (our tour this year). It was a lot of
fun because people had to guess the top three most popular answers for
each question. Lots of laughs. One of the questions was, "Who in choir
isn't dating but should be?" A team of girls guessed Leah and I but we
weren't one of the top three. hehe Leah was like, "What?!" I could have
predicted that guess based on the amount of time we hang out. I mainly
thought it funny and don't intend to let others' opinion change the
amount of time I spend with a friend. But thanks for asking.

I did come in second for two of the questions. One of them was, "Who in
choir is the most likely to have a mullet?" I have no idea why people
guessed me on that one. And the other was, "Who in the choir would be
the best to take home to Mom?" That was pretty funny. It's all pretty
ridiculous because it's pretty much a glorified popularity contest. But
it was still fun.

Jeremiah Christie and I were roommates for the retreat (Jeremiah Rich
is my roommie at school). It was nice rooming with him. Last night we
talked for awhile and it was really satisfying. I haven't really talked
with him that much about more serious issues. It was really interesting
to get to know him a little better. I even decided to ask him about
Leah and why he broke up with her because I was never really clear on
it. Without disclosing too much information I'll say that he is pretty
much in the same confused boat as I am with regards to the whole
when-to-get-involved-in-a-romantic-relationship question. I was
slightly surprised but comforted at the same time. I hope to get to
know him even better. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise to find out
how similar he feels after what my Dad has told me growing up. He has
pretty much the same feelings as I do in many other areas of life. This
is obvious, but there is comfort in spending time with someone of a
like mind.

There is of course much more which I could tell but time is short.

Boy at Work

Yesterday I was a checker at work. I was kind of surprised at how much
I had forgotten how to do. There was one incident which was very
heartwarming. A little boy about 8 years old came to the counter with a
little money purse and some one dollar bills. He bought some candy with
it. I asked if that was all he wanted to buy and he said with a smile,
"Maybe." He then counted his money and asked something like, "If you
were going to buy some candy for 60 cents what would it be?" I said I'd
probably get a snickers bar because that's my favorite. He then went
back into the store and got a case of root beer and bought that. Again
I asked him if that was all he wanted to buy and he gave me the same
response. Every time I asked it I meant is that all you want me to ring
up at the moment, but he thought I meant is that all he wanted to buy
at all. He went back to look for more after looking at his money again.
He came back with a bar of snickers and said something like, "After I
pay for this you can have it." I was flattered. It was very sweet of
him to think of me.

I've had heaps of free time lately. It's been pretty ridiculous. I
think things will pick up. I feel like such a waister of time but I'm
trying to be wise.

Today at lunch I ate with many of my good friends. Christi was there as
well. While we were eating she came over to the empty seat beside me
and said, "I need to talk with you about a concern I have." She said
she realized that she never saw me yesterday and that she's worried
we'll never see each other Tuesdays or Thursdays because of our
different schedules. So we worked out a time when we could both eat
lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I of course felt flattered
that she would think and say such a thing to me. But it was slightly
embarrassing. I'm such a sucker for such flattery that it's hard to
keep control of my emotions. But don't worry, despite what she or
anyone may think, we're just friends. Afterwards Leah wanted to make
sure I didn't feel as if I didn't have control over my time and made it
clear that I didn't have to come to lunch. Hehe it's funny, people
(including myself) spend way too much time analyzing these things. I
suppose it can be a huge distraction if we let it.

I've decided to start blogging again

I've decided to start blogging again. This is just the first day of classes so I don't know how much time I'll have throughout the semester to do this. But I'm going to give it a shot. I mainly want to do it because I miss being able to express myself. Sometimes a thought occurs to me but there's no one to tell or no reason to tell anyone. So hopefully this will provide that outlet. I make no guarantee on the profundity of my thoughts. But I promise I will always try and make it me.

My Christmas break was wonderful as always. I definitely made my way into my former world again. It was very comfortable. Mainly because of my family and the amount which I was allowed to not care. I got the first two seasons of Smallville on DVD for Christmas which was very exciting. I love that show! I only hope I am able to keep it from taking over my life. It's so entertaining because it combines sci-fi with drama/romance - two of my favorite areas of life.

I would type more but I need to get ready to go to my first choir practice. It should be fun to see everyone again. For some reason I'm a little on edge about being back. I guess this is how it always is. As soon as I get back into things I know I'll be much more comfortable. Which is what it's all about. ;)