Ever since my last post I've been thinking about how much I am focused on the temporary. Particularly in regard to gaining a lover. The way I see it, it's fully self-seeking. At least this is the stage I'm at. But the hard part to understand is, how else could it be? How else would we be able to settle our lonely pains if not to at least begin with a selfish desire to be smothered with acceptance? I don't get it. If I fully die to myself as I am being told I would be lonely for the rest of my life. Does God initially use these self desires for acceptance for his good? If so, does that mean God plans on everyone who gets married going through this selfish stage?
I reckon I'm missing something here as there are plenty of godly men who went about their marriage process righteously. Or did they?
I shared some of these thoughts with Snorri. He said in his characteristic head strong way, "Oh yeah, I mean..." He then proceeded to communicate a point which I have heard many times. But this time, I heard it. His point was essentially that life is not about us. It's cliche of course. But I understood it on a deeper level when I heard it from my dear friend.
"I'm so glad God has saved me," "What should I do for a career?" and "Who should I marry?" are phrases and questions which I state, when it should be from the perspective of, "God has a greater plan, how do I
fit into it?"
I am terribly sorry that you had to read that. I can't seem to articulate anything other than cliche at the moment.
Anyway, it was real to me.
2 comments:
"If I fully die to myself as I am being told I would be lonely for the rest of my life. Does God initially use these self desires for acceptance for his good? If so, does that mean God plans on everyone who gets married going through this selfish stage?"
I wouldn't say that God counts on anyone going through a "selfish phase," (though that doesn't mean he can't use such a time).
I would however say that dying to ourselves is accepting the reality that we are indeed nothing-- a large relief, really. Christ gives us back the innocence and freedom from self-awareness that we had before the fall. This not-being-aware-of-one's-self is not only a relief in reality (ignorance is bliss), but it is also simply accepting the truth. It is trying to BE SOMETHING (which we are not) that feels bad and makes us worry. God has put within us a feedback system that tells us when we aren't looking at something right (this is the pain that comes from anxiety).
When you die to yourself, you and your desires that are not literally God's die as well. From this perspective, if God blesses you with a wife, great. If not, you are not lonely but joyful. I have been learning that embracing complete humility is the path to real joy. Though that has become somewhat of a cliche, it is the only logical conclusion to come to when we look at ourselves from God's perspective: completely broken without him. We are blessed with instant joy when we accept this reality.
You are right when you say that "life is not about us." To die to yourself daily is how you accept Christ's gift practically. It means to no longer be aware of yourself, your desires (good or bad), your past sins. You are not aware of your own imperfections. After all, all these are only distractions and are the opposite of realizing God's grace. When you die to yourself every day, you are only aware of Christ. Your identity is in him in the most real sense.
I hope that was helpful, and not cliche.
I love You Jeremy. I had a great time with you this weekend.
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